Has there been a time in your life when you’ve discovered a substantial disconnect between your dreams and the painful reality of today? Maybe the disconnect surrounds your health or the health of someone you love. Or maybe your disconnect, like mine, is based on an estranged and seemingly unrepairable relationship with someone you deeply love.

Several years ago, our then-22-year-old daughter became increasingly difficult to reach on the phone and via text. Her cryptic responses, “I’m working through some things and will reach out soon,” never materialized into meaningful contact. Since then, she’s broken ties with us, and we aren’t even sure of her current whereabouts. Our oldest child, our 30-year-old son, followed her into the silent abyss of no contact just over two years ago. As a father, I’m now 0-2.

To say these past years have been difficult is like saying the Grand Canyon is a hole in the ground or that a hurricane is just another windy day. We never anticipated seeing our children walk away from us. I’ve read that estrangement is like a death without a funeral.

Accordingly, I grieve and lament to God the loss of connection with our children and the corresponding missed opportunities to be a part of their lives over these years. I deal with regrets, wondering if, much like the butterfly effect, my choice of a different word or action during their childhoods could have prevented today’s harsh reality. I sometimes lay awake at night generating endless lists of questions like: Will I ever see my kids again? Will I forget the sound of their voices or what they look like? Will they ever care for me again? Will I experience the joy of being a grandfather?

“In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

So yes, I have a story, and it’s a painful one. But, to the glory of God, my story is not over. Since the beginning of the first estrangement, I recognized that it would be easiest to erect a concrete wall of self-protection around my heart and to allow bitterness, anger, and resentment to take root there. However, my consistent prayers since then have been that the Lord would keep my heart soft and open towards my kids. Thankfully, Christ, in His mercy, has consistently answered those prayers.

Are some days harder than others? Absolutely and unashamedly so! While I don’t know what the future holds, I do know that I can share my pain with Him and that He will continue to offer me hope and peace. I know that regrets and past mistakes are covered by His grace. Further, I know that any doubts about the future are replaced by His perfect plan for me. One final piece of advice is to not wait until you’ve got “it” all figured out to tell your story. I know I still have questions, and yet I share. Tell your story as it unfolds. No one is expecting you to have all the answers, as that’s not the storyteller’s responsibility. Who knows, you may find that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).